Saturday, April 23, 2011

Gratitude

So I have a little explaining to do for anyone who follows my blog. I have had a few wonderful people who have friend requested me through Facebook and asked in a roundabout way "so what's up, you haven't blogged lately". That is true.

My family and I took off for California to spend my birthday and the kids' spring break at Disneyland for a few days. On the day we were set to return, my Dad collapsed and died suddenly. Luckily we were just an hour and a half away and I could get there quickly to mourn with my family. I have the world's best friend, Jen P., and have been so blessed to have had her by my side since 3rd grade. She dropped everything and was my "husband" for the next week and a half as I muddled through my new "normal", a life without my big strong father whom I adore. My husband was so wonderful, keeping my kids away from their mom falling apart and the parts of death that I do not feel they are ready to see yet. My dear mother in law put our crew up and helped my husband with all of the things that go into our lives, and the fact that we have a child with Autism which adds to the normal chaos that comes with small children. Constant supervision, lots of food prep and shopping were all required as were the on-the-fly arrangements for overnight shipments of supplements that we could not live without for my son.

We had just gotten home and settled when Jen needed a heart catheterization procedure the following Friday to see what has been going on with her heart. You see Jen has had a pacemaker since we were 10, she has Tetralogy of Fallot which is congenital heart disorder. My world was shaken again. She made it through just fine but certainly anytime anything regarding your heart is involved, it is scary. And the findings of the procedure point to the necessity of another open heart surgery in her somewhat near future.

The very next week my husband was out of town and the day he returned, Friday, was the anniversary of HIS Dad's death. We got the stunning news that my mother in law has colon cancer. Eric made the trip back to San Diego to be there with her. I am happy to say it went well and she is recovering now.

The day after her surgery we learned our very good friends who moved to North Carolina last year were hit by a tornado. The blows just seem to keep coming.

This last week Eric was gone again for work. We are finally taking a big breath and just trying to find this new normal and heal as a family. Losing a parent shakes you to the core, and maybe you have no idea what that means until it happens to you. I have been so overwhelmed at the outpouring of love and support though, some from people I only know through the internet. It is humbling and wonderful. It is times like these that you really understand who will be beside you no matter what. And this experience has really shown me how fleeting life can be and I need to support those who are truly there for me and let the rest of the stuff go. The pain of losing my Dad continues to hit me, a memory that I can never again ask him about, a picture that brings me to a time when I could still hug him, the fact that I will never again get his advice on something, and the most searing pain, the fact that my children will grow up without the blessing of this man in their physical lives makes my heart literally ache.

So, that is why I have not blogged much since early March. I am trying to get back into the swing of things but it is taking time. I thank each of my blog readers so much, I have learned so much just doing this blog because of the great questions and interacting with people I would never have gotten the chance to. So please bear with me while I try and get back into my stride. The blog will continue, and I do have lots of wonderful news to share about my son's recovery from Autism. This week has been especially astounding and I will be sharing that soon, I promise. But in the meantime, please know that I have not given up this blog and very soon I will be back to it!! And again, thanks for reading and your support!

1 comment:

Elan said...

This is a special club that frankly no one wishes to belong to. I joined March 14th, 2000 when my beloved Consuella left me alone in the world.
Even today things in life are marked by whether she was here for them or not.
You will get back into the swing of things, it will never be the same, but you will learn to appreciate the differences and cherish what you had and what is still here.